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141 My mind holds only what I think with God.
Forgiveness is the key to happiness.
Forgiveness offers everything I want.

MT: My mind holds only what I think with God. What a solemn statement, direct, to the point, no equivocation. Forgiveness removes me from the thought of man, leads me back to God where I belong, offers the happiness I sought in vain for so long.

JC: And you still hesitate and demur and procrastinate.

MT: I am ready to think with God. I am totally ready.

142 My mind holds only what I think with God.
I thank my Father for His gifts to me.
Let me remember I am one with God.

MT: I feel vaguely sad today. Could say I woke up depressed, but it was more like I am now aware of a depression that's always been there. Well, not always--I remember looking forward to playing tennis in the morning, thirty years ago, and there was a time when the day held a lot of promise. As a kid, I loved the beach, the water, the sheer physical well-being that was mine then. Where did all that go?

The feeling is not huge, but when I lie in bed in the morning, I ask, "what is there to get up for?" And I have no answer. May as well stay in bed all day. I used to look forward to breakfast, but I have mostly let go of my attachment to eating. Watching a movie? Watching TV? Those are distractions, TV an especially vile one. Buying things? Who needs more stuff? You bring home something shiny and new, and soon it's just stuff like everything else, dusty and covered with fingerprints. Really, I'm reluctant to say, the only thing I look forward to is a cup of coffee at Starbucks, mid-morning, and even that is fleeting. How long can one nurse a cup of coffee?

So do I thank the Father for his gifts to me? I could recite a long list, but it would still be just an idea, an empty list, a product of my ego like so many I am tired of. My health is good, I don't need to work for a living, I live in a privileged area of the world, I am way more "at peace" than I was twenty years ago, people love and need me, etc. etc. Is there unforgiveness lurking here? I'm not blaming anyone else, I know I am the only one who can save me. It feels more like generalized fatigue, a weariness of the world. Nothing works, not one of my clever strategies for making myself happy. I feel like the writer in Ecclesiastes: Vanity, vanity, all is vanity.

JC: God is pulling the rug out from under you, dear sister.

MT: Is there a light somewhere?

JC: Yes, the brilliant light of God, but one must go through the darkness. Only then do you see that the darkness is of your making and does not exist.

MT: Hold my hand, JC . . . I feel like Orpheus, descending into the underworld to look for the Beloved.


143  My mind holds only what I think with God. In quiet I receive God's word today. All that I give is given to myself.
 
MT: Here I am, God--Higher Power--JC the Friend. Summer arrived in California with a very warm night. I feel slow this morning. Should walk up Islay Hill but I'll stretch instead. I am to receive God's word in quiet, but my mind feels very unalert. Groggy is the word. Can God talk to a groggy mind?
 
JC: Come as you are. All it takes is a little willingness. Grogginess is fine, in fact it slows down your overactive ego voice.
 
MT: I had an ego attack yesterday, my in-laws as usual.
 
JC: You did not see them as they are. You saw them as projections of your mind, didn’t you.
 
MT: The worst of it is, I wanted to see the projection, to make myself into a victim, to blame them for something or other. I asked to see them differently, but the asking had no power because the wanting was not there.
 
JC: But you were willing to be willing. That was the gift you gave to yourself.
 
MT: It surprised me that I felt so attached to the projection. And the whole thing happened in my head, when I was dressing, prior to going there for Sunday dinner. They hadn't had a chance to provoke me, but I prepared myself with an attitude. I stashed the projection in my pants pocket along with the house keys, just in case. Ain't that a wonder?
 
JC: In the past, you would not have noticed the irony. It is good to write it down like this.
 
MT: It is a gift to myself. It is my daily connection with something higher than my little ego-self. Thank you for God's word, JC.

144  My mind holds only what I think with God.
There is no love but God's.
The world I see holds nothing that I want.

MT: I felt troubled yesterday, JC. For moments or hours, it was as if I had never done the Course. My body felt out of control, something sinister was afoot upon the land. I feel better this morning, but what's going on? I miss the glorious connection with you and with God.

JC: What shall we do about that.
.
MT: I am serious. I need help out of this valley of the shadow of death. There's too much evil in the world already, I don't need to add to it in word or deed.

JC: Of course you don't. Nobody does. Evil is not a necessity!

MT: Not even a reality, but there are shadows around me. Shadow moods, anyway. I was recreating evil yesterday. Other than blithely telling me to "snap out of it," what do you suggest?

JC: What about "24 Hours"? You ordered the series from Netflix (or Scott ordered it, but you watched with him) and you can't wait to see more.

MT: Yes. . . it has a huge sensory appeal. The sounds, the pictures, the awful story keep going through my mind. I wish it were an insult to my intelligence like 99 percent of TV--then I could easily turn my back on it. I keep thinking, that's how I invited these awful states of mind.

JC: You took deliberate action to fill your mind with thoughts of evil, assuming you could do so with impunity. I might remind you of the lesson: the world you see holds nothing that you want. Seems like you are making "24 Hours" into something you badly want even if it hurts you and sends you on a detour from the road home. Remember, the world you see is cleverly designed to seduce you. Superb talent is paid a fortune to hook you in. This is the time to be firm with yourself.

MT: How can I say no to it?

JC: By saying no to it! Have Scott tell you how the story ends, if you must really know. At least you will be sparing yourself negative images and fearful sounds.

MT: Now please remind me of the love of God. I need it today.

JC: I am with you today and always. Love has no opposite. It is not conditional, partial, or limited. Angels hover all about you, and of this be sure: I will never leave you comfortless.


145  My mind holds only what I think with God.
Beyond this world there is a world I want.
It is impossible to see two worlds.
 
MT: Well, I guess this lesson relates to my feelings of disillusionment and emptiness of the other day. I've given up so much--or rather, found that so much of what I treasured were in fact idols, passing fancies that didn't really satisfy--but now I find myself empty and bereft. So, "beyond this world there is a world I want." What I need now, the only thing I need, is a direct connection with God.

JC: Open yourself to it. But do not continue your attempts to find fulfillment in this world. They are futile and a waste of time.

MT: So what do I DO?

JC: You need do nothing. Empty yourself of all you thought was true, all that you treasured, all your attempts to understand and manipulate reality. Come wholly empty-handed unto your God.

MT: That's such a beautiful passage from the Text.

JC: Your agonizing over not having a purpose, over being depressed--those are artifacts of the ego. They have one purpose: to rob you of peace. Do not preoccupy your beautiful mind in this way a moment longer.

146 My mind holds only what I think with God.
No one can fail who seeks to reach the truth.
I loose the world from all I thought it was.

MT: I feel compressed. I ate too much of the wrong things.

JC: There are no wrong things. One illusion is as "wrong" as the other. Not one is Truth.

MT: I am paying attention to untruth, then, and letting it influence me.

JC: You bet. What is the truth?

MT: That I am as God created me. That there is no other way to be, that this is the path God has laid out for me.
JC: So loose the world from all you thought it was.

MT: Seems easier said than done.

JC: Only if you pay attention to how it can't be done. How can it be done, instantly, immediately?

MT: With a decision on my part, but I hang on to my powerlessness. I stick to it like a barnacle.

JC: And why would you believe in littleness, when you can have magnitude, and only that will satisfy?

MT: Help me to a direct experience of God! I think that's what it will take.


147 My mind holds only what I think with God.
I will not value what is valueless.
Let me perceive forgiveness as it is.

MT: So, JC, when I value the valueless, and turn forgiveness into an opportunity to blame, I am excluding God from my mind. I am misusing the Mind of God to pursue fleeting thoughts of separation, thus shutting myself off from the Source. Or thinking I can do the impossible--to set myself apart from All that Is.

JC: Open your heart to your God, and do not look back. Look upon your brother with the perspective of eternity.

MT: What do you mean when you say, "my mind holds only what I think with God"? Are there thoughts the mind doesn't "hold"?

JC: You have probably noticed that the mind flits around between problems and proposed solutions, between past events and future fears, rehashing endless stories of injustice, murder, endless suffering. Those are the thoughts the mind cannot hold. It rushes from one to another in constant turmoil. That is the nature of the ego-mind. The mind of God, by contrast, is still like a clear lake in the moonlight. The only purpose of your mind is to reach beyond suffering, above the battleground. The purpose of your mind is to be back with God where it belongs.

MT: I want that for myself. I am willing to practice true forgiveness to still my mind and open my heart.


148 My mind holds only what I think with God.
If I defend myself I am attacked.
Sickness is a defense against the truth.

MT: Defending myself is not what I think with God, then. Neither is the thought of sickness a Thought of God.

JC: One can be lifted above the battleground, no matter what happens to the body.

MT: Thoughts of death, so close to me these days, having lost dear Nina -- they are not the Thought of God either, are they?

JC: Your perceived loss can be a path to open your heart.

MT: I know. I sense that this is happening. But it hurts, JC. I hurt for the clearcuts in Oregon, I hurt to see a bobcat with its paw in a steel jaw trap, I hurt to think of Nina struggling for breath. I want to save everything and everyone, and it's hard to think with God. I know that "beyond this world there is a world I want," but right now I'm firmly stuck in this one.

JC: The one that you made up, I might add. Let me comfort you. Let the presence of God in and all around you surround you with love and peace.

MT: You said it . . . thank you.


149 My mind holds only what I think with God.
When I am healed I am not healed alone.
Heaven is the decision I must make.

MT: Here I am, JC. Feeling happier today. Hiking first thing in the morning helped a lot. I should do the things I know I need to do, it's not that difficult.

JC: As has been said, get yourself in motion. God responds more easily to verbs than to nouns.

MT: Perhaps I've been in the grip of a wrong concept? Like riding a bike, you can't stay in one place.As a kid, it was a revelation to me--I had to move in order to ride my bike.

JC: Heaven is the decision you must make--these words imply movement from one state to another, if nothing else. Ask for guidance, then act. Dedicate your actions to the pursuit of peace.


150 My mind holds only what I think with God.
I will accept Atonement for myself.
Only salvation can be said to cure.

MT: Here I am, God. Help me feel Your presence in my life.

JC: God's presence comes through your brothers, who are one with you.

MT: Well, I just shut God out this very morning, then. I judged S for shattering the stillness of dawn by turning on the TV.

JC: And you retreated into your solitary splendor (not!) to look for God in the laptop screen.

MT: Ouch. One screen is no different from another, then?

JC: God can speak to you from the TV screen.

MT: But I hate TV with a passion.

JC: You don't have to love TV. All I am suggesting is that God will use TV if that's what's available. If you resist it, it will persist as a thorn in your flesh. God can speak to you through any medium when you let go of judgments of your brother and your own victimization stance. He is not your persecutor, neither is TV. That is the lesson for you to learn.

 

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