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181 I trust my brothers, who are one with me.
Who am I, and what do I want? Now that family has left for their new home
in San Diego and the immediate need
to mother the grandkids is over, here I am, JC--me and myself (and six
billion of the Sonship).
JC: You answered your own question, didn't you? There is no selfish love.
MT: So I want to love? To express love?
JC: Yes, because love is what you are.
MT: Expressing anything else, then, is being not-who-I-am.
JC: Expressing anything other than love is doing nothing.
181 (2006) I trust my brothers, who are one with me.
MT: Don't know about this one, JC. I feel quite untrusting right now.
I felt attacked by E this morning, pinned wriggling against the wall.
Didn't know how to get out of the situation.
JC: You forgot to ask me for help.
MT: I did. I was relying on my own finite resources. I let E determine
my reaction to him, instead of asking you. I need a kick in the pants,
JC.
JC: No, dear sister, what you need is Atonement. You need to know that
you are holy, complete, a bright light in a world that gropes around in
darkness.
MT: I forgot, JC. This morning I quite forgot who I am. Let me remember
your guidance and your love.
182 I will be still an instant and go home.
MT: What are we talking about here, JC? Some egos fear it's an invitation
to die.
JC: This is about dying to the dream and waking to the Real World.
MT: I should write it on the wall and tattoo it on my arm: I will be still
an instant and go home.
JC: Better still, engrave it in your mind where it belongs. The stillness
of God is your resting place. The ego makes raucous and meaningless noise,
God is the Silence that creates meaning. It is in silence that you know
your God.
182 I will be still an instant and go home.
This is my favorite lesson. I will be still an instant and go home. We
all want to go home to our Father, and we seek to satisfy this longing
with sleek cars, a sparkling rock on the finger, designer clothes, a trophy
partner, gourmet food and vintage wine. But nothing can ever fill the
void, because the soul longs to be in the arms of God. JC, help me be
still and allow God's love to envelop me. Let me feel the tenderness of
a love that has no name, no beginning and no end, no conditions, no owner,
no price. Let me be here with you, and hear the voice that whispers: You
are the Son of God, in whom He is well pleased. Who can add anything to
these words? And who would want to?
___________________
God's love has no name because it is all names.
God's love is no place because there is nowhere it is not.
God's love has neither beginning nor end because it dwells outside of
time.
God's love has no conditions because it is about giving.
God's love has no price because it cannot be bought nor sold.
God's love has no owner because it belongs to everyone.
183 I call upon God's name and on my own.
MT: So what's this about naming, JC? Do I go about my day repeating "God,
God, God," like a nun fingering her rosary?
JC: Let's back off for a moment. You sound irritated. Are you irritated?
MT: You bet I am. The image of a pious nun sets me spinning.
JC: Yet you practice piety. You just call it something else. You call
it reverence.
MT: Ah yes, reverence is a good word. Piety to me means putting on holy
looks while the tick-tock mind carries on without cease.
JC: So you've got a name laden with unforgiveness, do you not?
MT: I see where you are going with this. Somewhere along this journey
I learned to fake it to earn love and approval. That is a painful memory.
I lost integrity. Forever after, I look for integrity, even if revealing
my weaknesses makes me look bad in the eyes of the world.
JC: You care too much about what people will say but you pretend you are
above it all.
MT: Oh. Truth will set me free, but I avoid it at all costs. How does
the name of God fit into this?
JC: God is what you are. God is one. Look away from the fragmentation,
look into the Light of your reality.
183 (2006) I call upon God's Name and on my own.
"God's name cannot be heard without response." I used to think
that prayer was worthless, that God was deaf to our supplication. Now
that I see that God is in my mind, that I live and breathe IN Him, how
could I not be heard? Now that I know God is part of me, and I am part
of Him, how could I not be heard? When I ask to see things differently,
in that moment I open myself to a better way.
"Repeat God's name, and all the world responds by laying down illusions."
We are connected. What happens to me resonates throughout creation. I
can reinforce the illusion by being grouchy, indulging in anger and resentments,
chasing sin so I can punish it--or I can simply call God, and the world
itself will respond!
"Repeat the name of God, and little names have lost their meaning."
As I meet others today, I will silently say: God. God is here. As I am
tempted to fill my sadness by buying more of what I don't need, I will
say: God. I don't need another trinket, God is what I need.
"Repeat the name of God and call upon your Self, whose name is His."
When I call upon God, I am calling upon my true self, the self that is
eternal, boundless, infinite. I am calling upon my inner mind. I am calling
upon intelligence that is vast beyond comprehension. I am calling upon
the intelligence that makes rivers flow to the sea, tree roots embrace
the ground, the sparrows to feed their young, the flower to open its petals
to the sun and curl them up at night.
"All things are silent. . . the little things of earth have disappeared."
You and I, one at last.
184 The name of God is my inheritance.
MT: God, here's where I am at right now: sleepy, not thinking straight,
not at all enlightened.
JC: You come as you are. The step all must take, sooner or later, is to
accept themselves as they are.
MT: I can see that. My old beef with hypocrisy was that those people did
not accept themselves and tried to be someone else. Now I must accept
myself as I am this minute.
JC: The very fact that you noticed your state and gave it a name implies
judgment.
MT: So here I go, JC, judging my judgments.
JC: Judge yourself as the Christ, if judge you must.
MT: Today I claim the name God gave me as my birthright. I am the Son
of God today.
184 (2006) The name of God is my inheritance.
MT: We are family, you, God, and I. We share a common name. There is a
strong bond between us, bro.
JC: Indeed there is. We stand by one another.
MT: You start out the lesson by talking about perception, how we divide
and subdivide the world we see. How we put spaces between things, and
keep things separate by naming them. When we name something, we are also
saying what it is not: this is a computer and not a sofa. This is a book
and not a lamp, or a carpet, or a vase. I think that to have things flow
together would be quite disabling, not to mention terrifying. How could
we get along in this world of separate things?
JC: I also said that to perceive separate objects and to make up names
for them is a phase everyone must go through. It is acculturation. Words
are a way to get along with the members of your tribe. But do not mistake
the ways of the culture with reality. These are conventions. Time is a
convention. You say to someone: "I'll meet you at three." You
could as easily say, "I'll meet you when we are hungry again after
the hunt," or "I will meet you when the shadow of the oak reaches
this line on the ground."
MT: Well, but clocks give us precision--"I'll meet you at 11:15."
I'll get really upset if I have to wait until 11:45! "Time is money."
JC: And neither time nor money are real. They have as much value as you
assign them. To think that some harm a brother for stacks of paper strips!
Do you not see how far the Sonship is removed from reality?
185 I want the peace of God.
Right now, as I sit down to write, can't say I am at peace. I'm not hugely
distressed either, just floating about in a sort of limbo. Yes, the painting.
I wanted to paint today. Or at least bring out the tubes bearing those
exotic, remote and wondrous names: alizarin crimson, cobalt blue, viridian,
cadmium red. Could write a poem with those names! So what if I should
want the peace of God first! I doubt God cares one way or another. All
the stuff about praising God was just a lot of BS to torment my childhood.
The sneaky thought always murmured in the background: why should God worry
whether we praise him or not? What kind of God is this that would hang
on my words and test them for sincerity?
Well, I am more at peace than when I wrote that first sentence! Praise
the Lawrd! Now for the painting . . .
185 (2006) I want the peace of God.
MT: You say, in this lesson, that we mouth the words but do not really
mean them. I can think of one person, right now, whose hands I could not
bear to hold in mine, let alone say: I want the peace of God. I would
rather give Edith a lecture on how to behave so as not to inconvenience
the rest of us!
JC: You noticed, dear Monica. That is all that is required. Here is truth.
You are clutching to your heart a form of unforgiveness. In doing
so, a part of you is secret to yourself. Would you accuse yourself
of behaving the way she does?
MT: I go the other way. I am the overly responsible one. I would never
not show up for a meeting, neglect to assign a proxy, and then expect
my voice to be heard and heeded! She's got a lot of nerve. Do you really
think I should let her get away with it? Something in me feels very ugly,
when I contemplate her presence, even in my imagination. I have a lot
of trouble dealing with irresponsible, manipulating people with a stupid
fake neigh that passes for a laugh.
JC: My, my! So much for the peace of God!
MT: Look, I know there's a cry for love in there someplace. Why does she
have to hide it so well?
JC: So do you resent her behavior, or the fact that her
ego has layers and layers? That she walks a little behind you on
the path?
MT: JC, I just noticed my own feelings. I feel powerless, like a victim,
because she's a better manipulator of people. She won this round, we're
reconsidering the vote we took in her absence, her manipulation succeeded,
and that's what I did not want to see happen.
JC: You do not want manipulation to succeed. Can you think of manipulation
you would approve of?
MT: Milton Erickson, the father of clinical hypnosis, was a master manipulator.
But he did it to get his clients' egos out of the way, to help them achieve
their goals. Yes, I approve of his manipulation. I would like to do what
he did. In fact, my rule against manipulation handicapped me quite a bit
when raising my children. I knew I could get them to bed with a fake choice:
do you want to go to bed right now, or in five minutes? They'd always
fall for it, but I was ashamed that manipulation made it so easy. A
stern order, I felt, was more honest. But that always set them up
to fight me.
JC: Will you let a ray of light come through the picture of Edith
that you see? Therein lies the peace of God.
MT: Therein lies the peace of God. . . thanks, JC. You are quite the pal.
186 Salvation of the world depends on me.
MT: You don't tell us this on Lesson 1, do you. You tell us we don't understand
anything.
JC: If I told of your true importance to start with, it would be too easy
for egos to skip the step of humility.
MT: Virginia Satir used to say that we're cosmic wonders and cosmic jokes,
both. What a refreshing insight. I'm a schmuck like everybody else, and
I am also a wonder of creation.
JC: And how do you use this insight?
MT: It makes me comfortable in the presence of others. I am able to be
spontaneous, quirky and funny, and to feel true empathy. Where they go,
I either have been or have yet to travel. Thanks for the reminder, Friend.
186 I bless the world because I bless myself.
JC: It is easy to find fault with yourself. It feels blameless. You will
admit that it feels noble, even. Who can fault you for working on your
defects? Pointing them out to others?
MT: Indeed. On the other hand, it is utterly boring when someone else
does it. So this must be a device to keep God away, and separate me from
my brother. But if I completely give up focusing on Monica Who Might Be
Great Only If, what will I focus on? The mind resists being empty.
JC: The mind expands by being empty. God rushes in, and you are no longer
alone.
MT: Promise?
JC: Promise.
186 (2006) Salvation of the world depends on me.
MT: I know this. Salvation of the world depends on me. Do you have to
repeat yourself so?
JC: You chose to do the lessons over and over again. I never set this
up as a requirement.
MT: It is easier than to meditate. And it does make for a cybercompanionship.
I get feedback, occasionally. I know there are people out there.
JC: So what do you wish for right now?
MT: I need to center. I feel out of it, and slightly hostile. Such is
my mood today.
JC: You feel separated. The last thing in your mind right now is to save
the world. You reluctantly inherited mission from your Dad, whose stance
in life was clear: he was important, and salvation depended on him. He
chose to be a minister, and he never gave up.
MT: He should have! He would have made a far, far better college professor.
The congregation longed to connect with God, my Dad gave them analytic
sermons laden with logic and reason. They wanted experience, he gave them
dry explanations. I think he felt like a failure, and he was.
JC: It all came from a tiny error: the belief that he was separate from
God.
MT: He prayed to a God outside of him. No wonder he didn't get
much of a response. Plus, his God was harsh and judgmental and condemning,
just like himself.
JC: Let's not dwell on the error! Would you like to reconnect with the
loving God, the infinite, awesome intelligence that permeates all
things of Earth and Heaven?
MT: It is not a choice, is it? I either connect with an all-loving
God, or I make up a God to kick around and be kicked by, which is not
connecting at all. How laughable the human condition. At least, now we
humans--Sons of God--know the way home. You came back via a couple of
willing scribes to show us the way.
JC: And now I come back through you, and everybody who offers a little
willingness. Salvation depends on you. You are among the ministers of
God.
187 (2006) I bless the world because I bless myself.
MT: Good morning, JC.
JC: Good morning to you too, beloved sister! God loves you. I love you.
MT: A good way to start the day.
JC: To bless yourself, yes. It puts everything in perspective. When you
bless yourself, you cannot help but to bless the world.
MT: I find myself orienting more and more to the group--like, what do
I need to hear from you, from which they would benefit too?
JC: A good development. You are not alone. Even in your darkest moments,
angels hover all about you, and your brother is not far away either.
MT: I can choose to shrink into a shell and lick my wounds, or I
can choose the glorious connection with others and with God. JC, thinking
of my Dad again, I had a vision of the different worlds he could have
spun out. He could have chosen the path of vengeance, and destroyed himself,
and us, in the process.
JC: You are glad he chose to be a minister. He chose the path of forgiveness,
even though it was difficult for him to walk it. At every moment of every
day, you spin out a world. It can be a world redeemed or a world at war.
Which do you choose?
188 The peace of God is shining in me now.
MT: That golden feeling . . . it runs through my body. You use this image
to counter the ancient attraction of darkness and death, don't you?
JC: The glow of peace, yes. Not the rotten sepulchre of death.
MT: The glow of peace offers life. Let me take this with me today, this
golden gift of God.
188 (2006) The peace of God is shining in me now.
MT: Sometimes I can predict the next lesson, but that's not the case with
this one. We leap from blessing myself to experiencing the peace of God.
And "shining"? Peace shines, or is peace more of a feeling of
warmth and comfort?
JC: You can analyze, or you can experience. Do you not see how you avoid
experience?
MT: Truthfully, I don't see it. I think I'm looking for experience right
now, but getting a couple of ornery questions out of the way first.
JC: The peace of God shines in you right at this moment. Look for that
golden feeling that washed over you so long ago in the art gallery. You
can distract, but you cannot erase it.
MT: I would love to see that painting again. . . but that is a distraction
too. The soul wants release, does it not?
JC: The soul wants release from the bonds of the personality. Man-made
rules keep the soul tethered to the ground, but cannot change its nature.
It was created to soar with delight.
189 I feel the love of God within me now.
MT: Here I am, JC. The house is silent at this early hour. Talk to me.
JC: I would rather hear you.
MT: This lesson contains one of the most beautiful passages in a beautiful
Course: "Be still, and lay aside all thoughts of what you are . .
." Transcendent beauty arrives along with Truth. In our blindness,
we dream the ugly dream--the stench of death camps, airplanes flown into
buildings, howls of pain and gnashing of teeth. But underneath it all
is the beauty of Truth: this need not be. Wake up. Your part is essential
to God's plan for salvation. Be still and know that I am God.
JC: Be still and know that I am God. Yes. We were created to create the
beautiful and good.
*****************
tyger tyger burning bright
in the forests of the night
what immortal hand or eye
dare frame thy fearful symmetry?
189 (2006) I feel the Love of God within me now.
No longer need we think we must claw our way to God. This lesson contains
the most beautiful words spoken anywhere. I should repeat Paragraph seven
daily, memorize it, paste it on the door of the fridge. "Come with
wholly empty hands unto your God." We think we need to sacrifice,
crawl to Mecca on our knees, whip ourselves until we bleed--and you remind
us, we need do nothing! God knows the way to us! It's truly a startling
thought, that every effort of man, every offering, supplication, alms
and Paternosters, ends up being a barrier. "Lest ye be as little
children. . . " The awareness of God pours into the open, innocent
heart. It fills us to overflowing, and then spills onto our brothers,
making again a verdant garden of the parched desert the ego made.
MT: I just got a glimpse of it! The name of God, is that an illusion too?
JC: We are making up a word for what will eventually be a wordless
experience. The name of God is a learning device. Today, practice seeing
God in all things. God is the pattern that connects every living thing.
God is the commonality every cell in your body shares. God is the
commonality you have with those who walk the earth with you.
190 (2006) I choose the joy of God instead of pain.
Pain is a choice I make to see myself as a victim of circumstances
out of my control. Pain proves I am alone in the universe, that I have
been thrown out of the Garden of Eden and that I deserved every bit of
it.
I choose pain every time I hold an unforgiving thought. Attack thoughts
are like arsenic coursing through my veins. Clogged arteries are lined
with congealed attack thoughts! Cancer cells are literally self-attack.
Rogue cells floating in my bloodstream are self-condemnation in physical
form.
I can choose to be happy in a forgiven world. My brother and I can be
home where we belong, today, safe in our Father's arms.
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