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361 This holy instant would I give to You. Be You in charge. For I would
follow You, Certain that Your direction gives me peace.

MT: I don't feel very peaceful this instant, JC, so I guess it's not a holy one! Waves of sadness wash over me. Nina's death months ago, and now my father-in-law's pathetic, agonizing decline, they seem to color all that I see in shades of gray. Where Nina went, there go I. Just give me a swift departure rather than a protracted breakdown of the body.
JC: Behold your value and your worth in the eyes of God.
MT: I can't negate what I feel.
JC: No, and you should not, but know that these sad thoughts are of your making. They are not God's will.
MT: I feel a lifting of the veil, as I behold my worth in the eyes of God. I do tend to think I'm worthless and of no use to anyone.
JC: This has been the theme of your life, hasn't it?
MT: All the way back to my teens! I knew I was hiding my light under a bushel, but I couldn't give with joy. I could not give fully. I gave with one hand and held back with the other. JC, you tell me what that's all about.
JC: You cannot get light by examining darkness, dear sister. Let there be light.

362 This holy instant would I give to You. Be You in charge. For I would
follow You, certain that Your direction gives me peace.

MT: Well, my mind is less chaotic today, JC. Perhaps chaos is good. It makes me appreciate order.
JC: God uses the unlikeliest means to bring you closer to Him.
MT: Today, now, as I look to this day, what would you say to me?
JC: Behold the glory that is yours! Do not for one moment believe that God would have otherwise.
MT: This holy instant I give to God. He is in charge by my request. I've hired God, as I hire a doctor or a teacher.
JC: That is partnership. Partnership with power beyond your wildest imaginings.
MT: I wrote the word "order". There's something about order that feels calm and Godlike.
JC: The order of the spheres, the axis of the cosmos. Therein lies the peace of God.

363 This holy instant would I give to You. Be You in charge. For I would follow You, certain that Your direction gives me peace.

JC: How are you, right now, reading these words that you know so well?
MT: I am distracted and confused.
JC: Come back to Me.
MT: I need comfort, don't know why the unquiet, the restless mind.
JC: All you need to know is, unquiet is being made up, and peace is a lot easier!
MT: Peace is easier. I need do nothing. I can even do things while not-doing them. But I feel rather removed from God's direction these days. Peace comes and goes, mostly goes, and at times I feel bereft of hope.
JC: You have circled the campfires of the soul for a long, long time.
MT: So I have, JC. But I cannot shove certainty where doubt still resides.
JC: Do not attempt to beat yourself into the Kingdom. The Kingdom is a soft moment, a loving event, an instant of recognition. Once seen it cannot ever be forgotten.

364 This holy instant would I give to You. Be You in charge. For I would follow You, certain that Your direction gives me peace.

MT: I want these words to be more than words. I want the holy instant to penetrate every fiber of my being.
JC: And it will. It does. It has.
MT: I allow God to guide me today and always. He is in charge by my request.
JC: I walk with you. Where we are, there God is. The holiest of all the spots on earth is where an ancient hatred has become a present love.

365 This holy instant would I give to You. Be You in charge. For I would
follow You, certain that Your direction gives me peace.

MT: Here I am, JC. Another year draws to an end. I still long for God.
JC: You can be sure God hasn't shut you out.
MT: You're kidding! I thought I was the one sinner God couldn't forgive, much as He tried.
JC: Your ego put together the ultimate challenge to God, and dreams it is the winner.
MT: Monica 1, God 0. But what have I won?
JC: You have won the right to continue to struggle. God will never take that from you.
MT: This truly is a tiny, mad idea, and I've let it run my life.
JC: And now?
MT: Now I stop this insane endeavor. I allow the Great Silence. God Is.

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